New site for 2016!

Yay! Hurrah! It’s 2016 and I have decided to do a mommy blog! 🙂

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Since I have quit my job, given birth, and have been a stay at home mom, for the past 4 months or so… I thought hey, why not?!

This motherhood is some tough shit! Seriously! I thought my days were busy when I was a normal, working, functioning adult… But Oh no! Parenthood, becoming a mother, has molded me into a legit adult.

I’ll still pop in and out here… But I will be mainly be at Memoirs of a Mother, trying to balance Mommyhood and a baby!

Check me out here at: Memoirs of a Mother.com

 

 

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Updates!

So once in a blue moon I feel the need to update this blog 🙂

First off, I get bored with my hair and feel the need to chop it off. Plus, I wanted to donate my hair again, since the first time went so well.

shorthairThen my husband and I finally went on our honeymoon! We had been planning it for the past year. We took a trip to Greece in the beginning of the year, January. We went during their winter season and it was great, since there weren’t any tourists at all!

We visited Athens:

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Crete:

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and Santorini:

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Then when we arrived back I had my yearly physical and found out… *dun dun dun* that I was pregnant!

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On September 2015, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, Cecilia! ❤

ceciliabirthSo, I decided to quit my job and be stay at home mom for a while. The past 2 months of being a mother has been a life changing experience. It’s a struggle some days, with the crying, constant diaper changes, adjusting to staying at home with a baby… but its ALL worth it when I see her smile and when her lovely brown eyes stare into mine 🙂

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End the silence.

I just came back from attending this conference event on ‘Behind the door, ending the silence of domestic violence.’ 

I thought it would be a good thing to attend seeing as  half of my job starting next month will involve assisting victims of domestic abuse. However, most importantly I really wanted to go for myself. I rarely come out and say that I have witnessed, engaged, and have been a victim of  domestic violence. I have experienced it emotionally, physically, and verbally throughout my life.

When it came time to actually drive my vehicle and head over to the event…I was nervous, hesitant and thought back to when my supervisor mentioned about possibly being triggered by hearing others speak of their experience. Triggers, I thought to myself… my triggers. Its been so long to when I gave my full awareness to all my triggers. Deep down, I know domestic violence, any form of abuse is a huge trigger for me.

It had happened so long ago or what seemed to be so long ago. I count the years in my fingers and it has been 7 years. Sometimes I feel as if I have blocked it out and now is all a blur.. But tonight made me realize how close and dear to me the subject of the matter is. How I am still myself and sometimes can be fearful or extremely cautious in certain aspects of my life because of what had happened.

What I have learned from tonight, from the people  I met, to the speaker who shared her story… Is that I have grown tremendously the past few years from my experiences. I am so much stronger, smarter, and beautiful.  I rarely  give myself this credit. I am a kind and lovely woman inside and out. I will continue to grow and learn more about myself. This was something I did not have when I was 21 years old.

Tonight and all nights, I will bask in my self love and self worth ❤

 

Note:

For assistance, visit The National Domestic Violence Hotline:

http://www.thehotline.org/

Newlyweds!!! (Warning: Photo overload)

I am so happy to say that I will get to share the rest of my life with my pen-pal, best friend, and lovely partner!  ❤

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We married twice!!!

First on Saturday, April 26, 2014 at Alfred B. Maclay Gardens, Brannon and I had a small wedding ceremony in the early morning. We had the honor of Brannon’s grandfather marrying us! He is such a wonderful, kind, and considerate man. He helped us a lot in preparing for the actually ceremony, including the premarital counseling.

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It was great to have family and friends celebrate with us ❤

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🙂

Then we did it again on Thursday, May 29, 2014, at the Grand Canyon North Rim in Arizona!!!

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 Everything was beautiful and more than we expected ❤

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We all had an amazingly wonderful time!

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Good times, good times. 

 

 

march 27

That is her birthday, my mother’s birthday. I never knew that.. for some reason, my whole life I thought she was born on the same month I was born. I just talked to her on the phone and I was fine while talking to her. I was calm, nonchalant, talking to her like a normal person, as in talking to the clients I’ve worked with, a stranger on the phone…I greeted her with a late happy new year and a belated Christmas. She asked me how I was doing, if I’m working, what I was doing, where I am living now… And also how Rod was, how my grandma was, dad, aunts…I asked her about her divorce, how she was doing, about my other siblings. She mentioned her divorce, how her mother was, her other kids, my siblings (Sarah, Willena, Francis, and William).

She asked me about my fiance and my upcoming wedding. I told her about it. I told her about dad and how he was upset of the distance and drive to the wedding site… Why I had the urge to tell her that, I don’t know. Maybe it was cry for some norm, some connection…Honestly, it probably was that.  Speaking to her on the phone,  felt weird.. it felt so foreign.  I think the past 27 years of my life, I have only talked to her on the phone for a total of 4 or 5 times, I don’t even know.. I only know and can recognize her voice as of now.

I could sense her hesitance on the phone, her fear, her agony, her pain, her struggle, and urge to hold back her words of forgiveness and tears. I would like to think I made it easy for her, with my calm, sweet, soft, voice and thoughtful statements. I mentioned to her about my new job, how I currently am working for Child Support Enforcement Services. Since she had mentioned about her bankruptcy and I knew of her struggle (from Frances) and could somewhat sense her embarrassment and shame… of applying for bankruptcy.

And I tried to help, tried to tell her about child support services and the assistance she can receive, since she has 2 children who are still under the age of 18 and that she does not have to be doing it all on her own.. A single mother, working 7 days a week on minimum wage. She insisted, “they don’t have that in Guam and that it is different.” I continued to tell her to just try and check. But she just let it go..

Towards the end of the call, when there was no more to be said… no other things to discuss, I mentioned I had to get back to work.. She said, “Ok… I love you.”

I then proceeded to say, “Take care.”

As I hung up the phone. I could feel it again. The welt deep inside my inner being, it all began to rise again. I was filled with so much emotion, so much pain, so much heart ache, so much wanted love… The tears couldn’t help but fall. I cried. I wanted to cry longer, to just let it out, to just let it go… I knew it was alright for me to feel this way, that it is what I needed, that it is what I wanted. I’ve longed for her to say those words.

But I restrained myself, I wiped my tears away, splashed my face with water, cleaned myself up. Then headed back into work. The irony is, I work 7 days a week, just like my mother.

3 years, 3 days, and one green coin.

Today marks my 3 years and 3 days of being clean from meth, marijuana, and alcohol.

Say what!!!??

It blows my mind that I was dependent on these mind altering substances, hit rock bottom, lost friendships and relationships…. and now..

I am free from it.

I also find it interesting that the only coin I had received was the green one. The 3 months that seemed like forever….

To sit and just think about how that green chip of a coin is so significant in my life.. regardless to where it is right now (probably in a jewelry box, packed in a purse, that’s packed in another box, somewhere hidden in the closet). That was 3 months of hardship and recovery..

That I will forever remember. 

I no longer go to meetings, nor do I have a sponsor at this time.. but I still abide by what I learned. Who knows I might go back to doing so. That’s the great part of the program, they are always there.

For now…. I bask in this wonderful awareness of how far I have come and how good I feel. 

 

Much needed self care <3

I was feeling low yesterday. I felt cooped up in the house. Therefore, I thought to myself… What makes me happy? Or where?

Thus, I decided I would take a mini road trip to the BEACH! I packed a towel, my book, and extra clothes just in case.

Then I just kept driving….

The closest to my residence was Mashes Sands Beach, Panacea, Florida.

It was worth the 1 hour and about 20 minutes drive.

The air was fresh, the sand felt nice on my feet and hands…. The ocean smelled salty and felt cool.

Indy tagged a long 🙂

He frolicked in the water and rolled in the sands. He was so happy!

I too walked through the waters and felt the cold wind blow through my hair. Twas a good day 🙂